PodCamp Boston on-site report

“Okay. You got Superman, Batman, Bunnies, and Sharks. Those are the four archetypes.”

It was day one of Podcamp Boston 2 and Neil Gorman, of the Comicology Podcast, was drawing his “Theory of Human Suffering” onto a conference T-Shirt with a Sharpie. Clarence (aka DYKC, aka “Do You Know Clarence”) and I were standing over Neil, laughing as he held court over a confused yet enthralled group of New Media geeks. Neil had shared with me earlier in the day that he was going through a difficult break-up. He was hurting deeply.

“Batman and Sharks never work out. Batman over-thinks everything. Batman bleeds. Sharks are spontaneous and dangerous,” he said, “But everyone wants what they don’t have.”

@timcoyne – neil gorman is going through a break up. Hug him.

I had bonded with Neil and DYKC early in the day and they had invited me to lunch.  I’d turned them down, thinking I had to meet as many people as possible, that I shouldn’t spend so much time with just two people. I had to network. Spread my brand. Two and a half weeks after the unconference, at a Speed Dating event, I realized what a mistake I’d made.

@timcoyne – heading to Speed Dating event for “Women Who Love Guys With Shaved Heads” – sponsored by Head Blade. Not kidding. Desperate times/measures

I parked my Yamaha Zuma scooter and headed into Club Nirvana on Wilshire. I signed in, and as I pressed my “Tim #39” name tag onto my chest, a girl approached me. I immediately recognized her. Her name was Lisa. I had met her a few weeks earlier at another Speed Date. She had a given me a “Yes.” I had given her a “No.”  Awkward.

“Oh my god,” she said, “I was hoping you were here because I just knocked over a scooter with my car. I’m so relieved its yours. It’s ironic. Isn’t it?”

@timcoyne – Dude. A chick knocked over my scooter with her car. 

I was in shock as I stood before this girl who was giggling and laughing about knocking over my scooter. I didn’t think it was funny or ironic. The Zuma is my friend, my wing man, and my wheels. At that first event, “Tim #27” had given “Lisa #3” a “No” and now “Lisa #9” was taking revenge on “Tim #39.” 

I excused myself and ran outside to check on the status of the Zuma.

When I turned the corner and saw the Zuma lying on its side, my heart dropped. The “Lisa #9” Prius loomed over her like a Middle School bully. I lifted the Zuma to her wheels and tried to give her a start. No luck.

@timcoyne – My fucking scooter wont start. 

I was trapped. Whether I liked it or not, I had to spend the next 90 minutes with a bunch of desperate bald dudes and a gang of chicks who, for some reason, liked bald dudes. Worse, I’d have to spend five of those minutes with “Lisa #9.”

@timcoyne – Chick thinks its funny and i have to spend five minutes with her. 

Back inside I gave “Lisa #9” the news.

“Does this happen often?” she asked. “Do a lot of people knock over your scooter?”

She was looking for forgiveness, but I was in no mood.

“No.” I said. ”A lot of people do not knock over my scooter.”
 
I headed to the bar and after downing a nine dollar Head Blade Mojito, the drink special of the night, I twittered for some support.

@timcoyne  – Moral support. 13103847392

A few minutes later, I got a call.  It was DYKC.

“Don’t worry man. She’ll start. Just make sure you don’t flood her. She’ll start. Don’t worry.”

DYKC talked me off the ledge. Everything would be cool, he assured me. And when I hung up a few minutes later, I headed with a little more calm  into the labyrinth of love hungry speed daters.

I had worked my way through half the girls and finally found myself sitting across from “Lisa #9.” We both laughed uncomfortably as the host blew the whistle. We had five minutes together.

“Listen,” I told her. “I get it. It’s kind of funny that a 35-year-old dude drives a scooter. But that’s how I get around and I don’t think you really understand the gravity of the situation. This isn’t a romantic comedy. It’s my life.”

“I really am sorry Tim,” Lisa apologized. “I was just so surprised that you gave me a “No” last time, and I just thought it was, well, poetic and coincidental that I knocked over your scooter. I truly am sorry and I really hope it starts. I really do.”

The host blew the whistle again, and “Lisa #9” and I hugged.

“I’m sorry too,” I said as we parted ways.

@timcoyne -  Speed date over. About to try to start the scooter.   

As I optimistically strapped on my helmet, my phone buzzed. It was Neil. He didn’t even know about the Speed Dating nightmare. He was calling for another reason. 

“Hey man. Wanted to tell you that I just listened to one of your episodes and it really made my shitty day a hell of a lot better. It really did.”

He’d just done the same for my day, so we talked for a few more minutes. We talked about love, life, and the  break-up he’s still struggling with. I hung up the phone, took a deep breath, and tried to start the Zuma.

She started.

Driving home I thought about the lunch invitation from Neil and DYKC I’d turned down. Before lunch they’d recommended a comic books series called “The Nightly News,”  and when they returned from lunch that day they stopped me in the hallway and handed me a bag. In the bag was the Collected Edition of “The Nightly News.”

Monetization, branding, optimization, all this stuff is important but for me, Podcamp Boston 2 turned out to be about making a connection with two guys in the hallways. In my haste to make more connections, I turned down a chance to forge a deeper one with Neil and DYKC. Neil’s “Theory on Human Suffering” had warned me that everyone wants what they don’t have. Turned out true for me that day, but as I drove, I decided it wouldn’t happen again. 

When I got home that night, I logged on to my on-line Speed Dating account.  “Lisa #9” got a “Yes” from “Tim #39.” This “Batman” wants to make it work with a “Shark.”   

on-site report by Tim Coyne of the Hollywood Podcast