Adventures in fast food ordering: how to make a cashier’s head explode

I get it now. The chicken wasn’t expensive. It was the bun that cost seven dollars.

So yeah, I’m a strange eater. When I want grilled chicken, I want the chicken, not a sandwich. But trying to order it that way usually makes the cashier’s head explode, so I usually just order the sandwich and pull out the meat and eat it with a knife and fork. Last time I was at Fatburger the cashier saw me eating my grilled chicken with a knife and fork, and told me to just order a chicken party next time, that it was an unlisted menu item. So tonight I walked into the same Fatburger and confidently ordered a grilled chicken patty… and sure enough, the cashier looked at me like I’d just ordered a bazooka. She went in the back, asked someone, came back out, and rang up a side of grilled chicken for two dollars. The sandwich costs like nine dollars. Now they tell me…

Of course the thing about ordering in an unusual manner is that they never ring it up the same way twice, so I doubt I’ll get my Fatchicken for two bucks next time. Reminds me of when I used to eat at Boston Market and I ordered the chicken with no sides. Never came up to the same price twice. Since I didn’t know what it was supposed to cost, I just lived with whatever the total was.

And it’s not entirely my fault for being an instigator. When I used to frequent Chick Fil A before learning of their morally objectionable donations, I spotted that the grilled chicken combo was several cents more expensive than ordering the combo items separately. So is make them ring it up separately in the feeble hopes that it would somehow force the franchise to fix it. I always knew there was something shady about those guys…

In these days of eating more healthily, I dine out less often and I eat fast food rarely. What I miss more than the french fries is the comedic escapades of trying to get my food rung up in a less than conventional manner. Today’s latest chapter in which I paid less for my grilled chicken than I did for my fries might just take the cake. Or the bazooka.